


Animal Instinct

by Kenya_Illian



Series: Strange Bonds [7]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Light Angst, Max and El would be great friends, Post-Season/Series 02, Summer, Will is a good future step brother, el will be okay, fight me, mike is a concerned boyfriend, only slight mileven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 20:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16354136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kenya_Illian/pseuds/Kenya_Illian
Summary: “El stood there, willing her tired mind to just rest. She was in Dustin’s bathroom, not an observation room, not the small room, no one is watching her, it’s quiet but not complete and deafening silence, she’s not surrounded by metal, there are no bad men here to hurt her, she only needs to focus on her breathing and she’ll eventually be better. She’ll be tired and in low spirits tomorrow, but calmer, and maybe the day after that will bring something happy.”A foreign sight feels too familiar, leaving El fighting with her past and making an interesting discovery.





	Animal Instinct

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, I promised the next fic would be fluffy, but I had this idea for awhile and thought it would be both sad and cute, so there. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“So I was walking down the railroad tracks for some reason, then all of a sudden, Darth Vader shows up and the dude tries to kill me by knocking all the trees over, and I had to run my ass off while the entire forest was practically chasing me.” 

“Why would he do that? He can literally just choke you.” Mike interrupted him between mouthfuls of gummy bears.

“I don’t know, maybe he didn’t think that was cool enough.” Dustin huffed, attention centered around the scribbles that were sprawled along the lined notebook pages under the growing rays of morning light. “Oh, and it’s not really that important, but I think I should mention he was wearing this bright ass pink tutu.”

“Star Wars missed out on an epic costume.” Will remarked while everyone smirked at the image.

“Wait, is that thing the reason you were late?” Max was glanced at the book in his hand whilst circling the group on her skateboard, fueled by their looks of annoyance.

They were walking their bikes along the neighborhood road. It was the afternoon, so all the adults were at work while the kids were either hiding inside the houses, at the quarry, or the mall, leaving the place feeling like a ghost town. But El preferred it that way, feeling calmer with the still air that wasn’t tainted by a chaotic mosaic of voices and crowds wandering two close for comfort.

She still felt guilty for letting Mike see the discomfort on her face and insisting they leave. She didn’t even understand why her skin crawled like someone was going to reach out and touch her with gloves hands, or the way her back stiffened anytime someone walked behind her, why the background noise became too loud, or why any tall man who walked near her made her heart race and made her body feel like it was it was preparing itself to either flee or fight. She’s been in crowds before without feeling anything wrong, so why did today hand to be any different?

The record breaking heat wave that had left everyone in a constant state of misery had been soothed by the first autumn winds, with the air becoming easier to breathe in and the idea of simple activities like walking to Dustin’s house from the mall more tolerable. Mike’s parents were hosting a small party, so Dustin had volunteered his house. El had heard Mike muttering to himself “Yeah, they’re going to pretend like they have their shit together like they always do.” With a harsh glint in his eyes. El didn’t understand what he meant, but the look in his made her wish she did.

Despite the cooling weather, the sun still showed little mercy at its peak, rising up high in the endless sea of blue without a single cloud to shield the people of Hawkins. It made everyone crave the cool, crisp air blowing blowing through colorful leaves, with everyone but the California native patiently awaiting the change of season with shortened fuses. 

The heat seemed to exaggerate the heaviness of her limbs, with El having to fight to keep up with everyone’s pace, although it was better to spend the day outside the poorly ventilated cabin, equipped with only a pitiful array of fans for comfort, with the highlight of her day being when Jim left for work so she could stick her head in the freezer in peace.

“Hey, trust me, I have some pretty weird dreams, one day this dream records gonna make for a great book!” Dustin explained.

“Everyone has weird dreams.” Lucas pointed out.

“But I’m the only one willing to make use of them.”

“True.”

“Hey, don’t you mean dream journal?” Will asked, hoping to steer his friend back to his story

“Yeah, but record sounds cooler.” Dustin pointed out. Everyone but Max and El silently agreed.

Max made another pass around the group, forcing them to stop in their tracks when she got too close. El kept turning her head to watch her fly across the pavement, proppeling herself with a steady kick to the ground with no need of powers or technology while her pretty red hair flew behind her.

Max had offered to let her ride on it once. It was when they really first spoke to each other, when El realized the the place in the party the girl had built for herself while El was gone. 

Seeing the the way the others looked at Max with impressed eyes would always give El that sinking feeling in her stomach she had felt when walking the train tracks while focusing on the compass in Dustin’s hand. Reminding herself that this group of boys that put her more at ease despite their brazen remarks of her being a weirdo and a freak than the tall and familiar men in suits were too good to be true. That Mike would soon see her for what she is, a lier, and a monster. That she wasn’t worthy of being called their friend.

She and Max at first had stood in awkward silence, with El’s eyes tracing the dozens of colorful stickers covering the bottom side of the black and red board. She had asked Max about it, receiving a snarky smile and the words “You seriously don’t know what a skateboard is?” Before her smile disappeared once she realized her mistake. 

After further silence, Max had offered to let her ride it, hands tentatively clasped with hers to to help her keep her balance.

El had allowed Max to believe she didn’t see it, but she caught the way her eyes had lingered on the numbers tattooed to her wrist.

When attempted to turn and instead fell to the ground, landing right on her bottom, Max had rushed to her side with a “Shit, are you okay?”. Her bright blue eyes filled with worry that faded when El started chuckling, her laughter mixing with Max’s while she lied on the ground, feeling like something lifted from her shoulders, making her feel lighter.

She wanted to ask Max to teach her, but she was still struggling to steer the bike Hopper had gifted her for her birthday with the same natural ease as the boys. It was easily one her favorite gifts apart from the supercom the boys had pooled their money into getting along with Max’s. She never really put it to much use, though, since the radio at the cabin had a much better range, but it was a welcome sign that was indeed a crucial part of the party.

“Thank you....” El had said while running grasping the soft foam encasing the bikes’ handlebars. “.....Dad”. She quietly added the last word, looking up at her adoptive father with uncertainty while thinking of the piece of paper that attached his name to hers. He looked taken aback, staring at her with his mouth open, before pulling into a smile, ruffling her hair and telling her “You’re welcome, kid.”

The pale pink bike was apart of the freedom that peeked just above the horizon, with the promise of riding alongside the group of misfits that became her family to school next month. El knew Jim would be driving her to and from school everyday, but it was still a nice thought. 

School was a distant place of foreboding. A test of all the months spent hunched over her bed, surrounded by papers and old textbooks, tugging on her hair out of frustration feeling like her brain would melt and pool out from her ears. It was a first a struggle to keep up with the lengthy words and complicated ideas that flew out of Nancy’s mouth with ease whenever she tutored her, so how well would she be able to understand a teacher who spent their whole lives learning something El had to master within a semester? 

It was that fear that drove her to spent nearly every waking hour either memorizing every single detail of the material or stressing over the placement test that would seal her fate.

El had been so wrapped up in getting into school that she had temporarily forgotten her fears over navigating the social and academic structures that were so foreign to her, with the only familiarity being that her friends. Now that high school was a certainty for her, she was terrified, and the way her emotions snuck up on her at the mall made it worse.

“Can you cut that out, it’s annoying!” Mike spat when Max came within a foot of colliding with his bike, so close that El, who was walking on the other side braced herself to stop her.

“Or what?” Max retorted with a brass grin, quick yo hide her short burst of panic.

“Anyway!” Dustin sharply rose his voice before Mike could think of something to say. “I had my proton pack with me that was filled with ghosts, and apparently Darth Vader has a phobia of ghosts, so he agreed to be like my bodyguard or something so long as I caught all the surrounding ghosts.”

“He was literally like—“

Dustin paused in his step and knelt down on both knees, hands clasped towards the air. “Please don’t let the ghost new me, please oh please oh please!”.

This earned him a round of laughter. “Was a great deal actually.” He said while standing back up.

Max glided up ahead of the group, looking over shoulder at Dustin, unable to see the pothole that was directly in her path. Everyone watched with a jolt of alarm as Max flailed her arms in a desperate attempt at regaining her balance. The skateboard skidded to an abrupt stop, with Max’s body stiffened, back lifting straight back up with a look of shock on her face. After she regained control of herself, she stepped off the board with a shaky breath. “Thanks, El”. 

El smiled in response, wiping away the blood trickling down her left nostril, before looking at the the splotch of blood on her hand with a frown. Her frown deepened when she reached into her pocket for tissues only to find the sticky mess of melted gummy bear Mike has offered her when he bought them at the Mall.

“Was that really necessary?” Mike said to El, loud enough to earn a sarcastic “Hah, hah, very funny” from Max as she approached Lucas, who instinctively put a hand on her shoulder.

El smiled, the two respected each other, she could tell, but they always hid that respect with constant teasing. She looked back to her arm. She panicked when she saw the cotton blue braid circling her wrist, the same one Hopper’s daughter used to wear in her hair, was dangerously close to being stained by her blood. She quickly tugged the hair up her arm an away from the blood. 

The hair tie was something she loved and hated. Loved because it served as a promise of a permanent family, a taste of what it’s like to have a father that would heal her instead tormenting her. It showed that she was more important to him than El had ever realized. 

She also hated it because of the ghost that would always have a bigger place in his heart than she would, the hair tie being a constant reminder that El could never replace Sarah. would never forgive herself if she started to hate Sarah, there were moments El has told herself no matter how she felt, if she could bring Sarah back into her adoptive fathers arms just to see all the moments he thought she couldn’t see him suffer end, she would, but she wouldn’t enjoy the sight.

“Anyway!” Dustin shouted with irritation creeping into his voice. “But before Darth Vader could do anything, El showed up and—“ Dustin looked at Mike, telling him “You’re gonna like this, she just choked him to death, wasn’t even provoked or anything.”

“Like, seriously, El, why did you have to get rid of my bodyguard?” Dustin said, looking at El, though she didn’t look as amused as he was.

“El could totally kick Darth Vader's ass.” Mike announced, with everyone giving a round of “Uh huh” “Definitely” and “Yep.”, which made El weirdly pleased.

El felt a lump inside her shoe, for a awhile she ignored it, until she took a step and felt a sharp pain against her skin. Huffing, she swiftly knelt down, digging her finger around the inside of her sock. Becoming impatient as the others walked further up ahead, she peeled off her sock and sneaker, with a tiny rock managing to tumble to the ground—how it got there, El had no clue. As she rushed to put them back on, her hand brushed up against a small bump on her foot. El paused, running her finger along the scar she knew from memory stretched out from her fourth toe about an inch towards her heel. She didn’t remember if she had stepped on a piece of sharp rock or glass, but she did remember seeing the blood staining her foot when she stopped to rest, legs turning to stone and her sides aching from running and chest heaving up and down in an attempt at catching her breath. She didn’t feel any pain from the cut, the only thing on her mind were the screaming from the men, and the feeling of something constantly behind her.

She had to half run to catch up to the others, watching them turn their heads out of surprise with the sound of her footsteps.

A flurry of black shapes filled the air beside the group, as El got closer she realized they were dozens of birds. The black birds took to the trees and rooftops, calling out to raconteur with coarse voices in a near frenzy.

“Yeah, screw you too!” Max shouted. El slowed down as she made her way behind her her friends, watching the birds follow her with their uneasy gaze, staring intently at her with both fear and curiosity in their coal eyes. El was used to this by now, the more time she spent with people, the more it dawned on her that animals were comfortable being near everyone but her. 

They could somehow sense she was different, and that frightened them, showing up in the form of birds flocking away from her, dogs growling with their fur standing on end, white teeth bared until she leaves. Whatever it is that causes them to be afraid of her, she hated it.

With Dustin leading the way, they walked up the driveway of a flat looking house that had several trees dotting the yard with the ground covered in leaves.

El grew uneasy when she felt the electricity traveling through the the house, more so than the other houses in the neighborhood, meaning someone was likely there. 

“Mom! I’m home! My friends are here, is that okay?!” Dustin shouted as he entered the door.

“That’s fine, Dusty!” A voice sounded from across the house. El looked around, compared to Mike’s house, the place felt somehow warmer, with muted brown and orange walls, but less neat and fancy with a thin layer of dust covering the shelves of the book case propped against a wall and a few tears towards the bottom of the chair and couch. But it was also nicer than Will’s house, without the peeling wallpaper and more decorations such as the framed picture of Dustin in a sweater and with a big grin pinned to the wall and another one of an orange cat curled up on a couch hanging above the brick fireplace.

Footsteps sounded to announce the appearance of a plump woman with short, wavy blond hair that poofed up around her head in gentle waves, lips painted with a muted pinkish brown and eyes lined with a small amount of mascara and small hoops dangling from her ears. She looked like she was just about ready to leave, one hand holding onto a set of shiny keys, a purse hanging from her elbow and a pair of sunglasses clipped to her blouse that reminded El of Hopper’s.

“Hey Ms. Henderson.” Mike, Lucas, And Will nearly said in unison. 

“Well hello boys!” She answered with a smile before her grey blue eyes landed on Max and El, which made El nervous.

“And girls. Aren’t you going to introduce me to your new friends, Dusty?” She said, gesturing to the them.

“Oh, yeah, that’s Maxine.” 

“Max” she corrected shortly.

“Right, Maxine.” He said, ignoring her glare before pointing to El and hesitating for a split second. “And she’s Jane.”

Everyone missed it except El, who was studying the woman before her, but for a split second a smirk appeared on her lips, it was only later that El would come to realization she must of assume he had forgotten her name. She wasn’t far off, there were numerous times where her friends had to be reminded of her birth name, not that she minded much, the name always had a sour taste in her mouth, bringing her her mother’s memories of the pain of electricity tearing through her head, and of her sister screaming her name. 

Dustin’s mom greeted the two with an outstretched hand “It’s a pleasure to meet you two.” She said, shaking Max’s hand while the redhead gave gave the woman her best friendly smile.

When El nervously took her hand, for a moment it felt like El was holding onto her own mother’s hand. Mr. Henderson’s hand was fuller than her mother’s, so she couldn’t feel the bones as much, but her skin felt similar, with surprisingly soft and vaguely wrinkled skin.

El shook off the feeling, forcing her lips up to a smile and softly telling her “Thank you”, not sure how else to respond.

Ms. Henderson drifted towards Dustin, leaning near he and half whispering “Which one’s your girlfriend?” 

“Mom!” Dustin scowled, face turning red from the snickers behind him. “Well, I ought to know.” She insisted, pretending to not notice his displeasure. “Could you please stop!” He pleaded. 

She simply smiled, “Oh, you know I’m just doing my job as a mother to embarrass you in front of your friends.” 

El relaxed a little, her face pulling into an actual smile at her friends reaction. “Anyway, I have to go run some errands, I should be back in about an hour.” Na. Henderson said, wrapping her free arm around Dustin. The woman began walking to the door, calling behind her “There’s fresh cookies on the counter, just don’t eat them all.” 

With that, the boys began rushing to another room, with Max and El following at a slower pace. El let her mind wander back to the woman in the rocking chair, a prisoner within her own body. It’s been awhile since she last saw her, to her dismay, Hopper had warned they wouldn’t be able to visit her aunt and mother as often once school started. 

She wondered what momma would be like if El had never been so violently ripped away from her. Would her hugs feel like Joyce’s, warm and with soothing whispers of comfort? Would she have Ms. Henderson’s teasing nature, relishing in embarrassing El in front of her own friends? Would she have ever even met Mike and the party? El liked to think that she would have.

“Try not to burn the house down!” El heard Dustin’s mom call out. 

“I make no promises!” Dustin answered, El wondered where the humor was in that.

………..

El made up her mind that Ms. Henderson’s cooking was infinitely better than Hopper’s. The cookies still warm, with the edges slightly crunchy and growing soft towards the center, and laced with chocolate chips that melted on her tongue. The others kept busy by looking through Dustin’s dream record, with him and Lucas dramatically acting out the various scenes while Mike narrated the stories in his DnD voice to an audience of Will, Max and El who sat around the kitchen counter, laughing at the antics of their friends. 

The feelings of being drained was still there, but El found she was able bury the cloud of unease beneath her amusement, hanging onto every word of conversation to muffle out her own thoughts.

El has excused herself to the bathroom. She went swiftly, wanting to return to the entertainment as soon as possible. Her feet felt lighter, carried by the idea that maybe she could turn a bad start to the day to something good. 

When she made it to the kitchin entryway, she saw Max crouched down by the stove, talking to something in front of her while the others watched. 

El’s confusion was erased by a flash of pale cream and black fur brushing up Max’s leg. The animal followed her hand, seeking out Max’s attention much to her the girl’s delight.

“Okay, so that’s how it is, huh? You want nothing to do with me all day, yet suddenly you’re all lovey dovey with her?” Dustin huffed, crossing his arms. “Of course you like me more, huh Tews?” Max laughed, scratching the cat's head while it contently closed its eyes. 

El hovered just outside the kitchen, half attempting to stay out of sight. She was disappointed at herself for forgetting Dustin’s mentions of finding a cat to gift to his mother. El did her best to block it out, but before she could his voice echoed inside her head, reminding her ,“The easiest way to do it is to break its neck. Don’t worry, I can assure you it won’t suffer long.” She still remembered his mocking tone, amused by her own nerves and guilt.

Mike’s eyes met with hers, the dark brown, almost pure black orbs growing warm with a fleeting smile. Under normal circumstances, this would of given her a pleasant fluttery feeling, instead it disheartened her. 

Preparing herself, she offered him a fake smiling and with a subtle, deep breath, stepped foot into the kitchen to rejoin the group. She made her movements slow, careful to keep as much distance away from the cat as she walked towards Mike. Despite her efforts, her presence still caught its attention, standing up straight with its body going rigid, milky blue eyes going round as it stared at El.

El’s chest tightened, the familiar feeling of lead constructing her lungs, for a split second, the sunlight filtering through the windows turned oddly cold, the flowers adorning the wallpaper turned to corridors of white, and on the now cold floor, Max’s form was replaced with the slumped body of a man, his coworker falling to the ground next to him, head pivoting around his broken neck and falling so his forehead rested against his shoulder.

El focused on the pattern of the tiles, blocking out the image with all her willpower, tuning out the her own thoughts, knowing if she dwelled on them then she would fall apart in the spot. 

She felt a touch on her arm, her heart jolted as she spun around, ready to run. Her eyes briefly met with a pair of brown eyes ones laced with green. Will immediately drew his hand back, slowly leaning close so she wouldn’t flinch to whisper “Are you okay?”.

She contemplated telling him about the two men, maybe another time. She’s been asked about to lab before, mainly by Mike and Hopper out of a mix of concern and morbid curiosity, everyone else had been too scared to question her. She’s told them bits here and there, she would sometimes tell her adoptive father of nightmares while huddled into his side on the couch during the late hours of the night, but only sometimes.

She’s also told Mike about the hours spent in the cramped, silent, windowless room with walls comprised of cold metal and deprived of any sound or human contact, and how each second stretched on to eternity, and how she still can’t stand small spaces with the feelings of panic creeping up on her, Mike called it claustrophobia. 

She didn’t think it was a big deal, the room was a fact of life for her, something that came with the decision to defy papa, it hurt to think about, but it was always predictable. To her half surprise, Mike had tightly squeezed her hand, he pretended to be calm, but El could see the way his eyes burned like hot coals. He called it solitary confinement, a punishment reserved for criminals, not little kids.

It was Will who she spoke to the most about the lab. Everyone was a little broken, but he was the one who understood her cracks and holes the most, having similar ones himself. 

He gave her names to what she felt, ptsd, panic attacks, flashbacks, anxiety, he was always keen on reminding her those things were not under her control, and not her fault, but heeding his words was easier said than done. She hadn’t told him about the first time she ever killed, she only mentioned them when he broke down in front of her in a mess that broke her heart, repeatedly apologizing for the lives he believes he took, drowning out her arguments about him not being in control and having no choice. His tears didn’t slow down until she confessed about how often her mind wandered to the soldiers and agents falling to the ground, how she would ask herself just how many people out there miss them, until her mind snapped back to reality and she would tell herself she had no choice, because if she didn’t she’d lose her mind.

Maybe she’d tell Will the full story later.

El lifted her lips to give a meek smile that was more for everyone else watching her and nodded her head, she was responsible for ruining their trip to the mall, she didn’t want to spoil this moment too, she’ll persevere even if it means ignoring her own emotions screaming at her.

Will didn’t seem convinced though, telling her in the same quiet whisper “It’s okay if you’re not, you can go to the bathroom if you need to.”

“I’m fine”. El insisted. Will didn’t argue though, instead backing up to give her some space and refocusing his gaze elsewhere, though, she managed to make out him watching her out of the corner of his eye, she also noticed Mike giving her uneasy glances, but she chose to ignore them.

She slowly inhaled and exhaled, trying to focus on each breathe, but that did little to loosen her chest. The cat took a tentative step towards her, sniffing the air around her, eyes never leaving the girl, but it didn’t run away. El took it as a good sign and cautiously took a step forward to reach out to the cat once her head began to somewhat clear. 

The moment she moved, the cat backed away, spreading out it’s paws as of ready to run, the fur along it neck down to the tail bristled, and small white needlepoint teeth flashed with a loud, harsh hiss followed by a series of deep growls that didn’t sound like they belonged to the tiny body.

“What the hell, Tews?” Dustin snapped, taken aback. El heard his voice, but didn’t register the words.

Another, louder and more desperate hiss tore from its throat, the cat backed up against a wall, the only exit being where El stood.

Every inch of the cat’s cream and black fur began to look oddly long and white, scared and trapped behind metal bars, fighting the inevitable with every growl. El could feel the net of wires adorning her head, could almost hear the sound of heavy footsteps fast approaching, hands outstretched to grip her arms, lifting her to the air while ignoring her cries. 

Her pulse drummed in her ears, drowning out all the voices as her feet propelled themselves. The cat sped off, where to, El didn’t care. She turned down the hall, hearing behind Will’s voice saying “Hey, hey stop. She needs some time to calm down, okay?”, most likely to Mike.

The door closed behind had with a loud thud that startled her. The small bathroom lit up, flooding the room with yellow light, but once El saw this, she flicked off the light switch, having to resort to using her hand instead of her mind. She was much more content with the scant rays of sunlight filtering through the curtain covering the small window, casting the room in a cool shadow. El slowly sank to the floor, settling against the wall while wet drops tickled her cheeks. A sob broke its way out from her chest with her permission, El hugged her legs as far to her chest as she could and pressed her forehead to her arm, seeking to hide within herself and wait for the world to disappear all around her. 

Stupid, that’s what she is  
Stupid and weak  
The shame those bad men must feel for for having their lives snuffed out by a kid who broke down because of a stupid cat

More sobs escaped her lips, El felt a painful lump in her throat, but knew from experience water wouldn’t fix it.

Why can’t she just be normal?  
What crimes did she commit before she was even born to deserve the life she lived?

She felt something wet drip down from her nose, was she unintentionally using her powers? It wouldn’t be the first time she lost control because of her emotions. On reflex, she attempted to scrape away the blood with the back of her hand, but instead pulled out a string of semi clear ooze.

Gross

El winced and shakily stood up, alarmed when she felt little pricks of pins and needles radiate through her lower legs-has she really sat there that long? If the others weren’t already concerned, they sure are now. El could picture them standing around the kitchen table, awkward silence broken by quiet suggestions of what could be wrong.

It was a wonder to her that she hasn’t been disturbed by Mike gently knocking on the door, pleading to be let in, refusing to accept he can’t help her. Will must of been very convincing, likely because he understood why her being alone was so important.

Softly stomping her feet a few times until they felt normal, she began grabbing fistfuls of toilet paper when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She looked up, examining the mess before her. Drying tears created trails along her cheeks, her eyes were red, her eyelids wearily hung low, and beneath the sadness in her face was a foundation of anger and frustration. 

If she literally breaks down after seeing a cat, than how on Earth could she survive school? 

El stood there, willing her tired mind to just rest. She was in Dustin’s bathroom, not an observation room, not the small room, no one is watching her, it’s quiet but not complete and deafening silence, she’s not surrounded by metal, there are no bad men here to hurt her, she only needs to focus on her breathing and she’ll eventually be better. She’ll be tired and in low spirits tomorrow, but calmer, and maybe the day after that will bring something happy.

Just breath in and out, just like Hopper always told her.

El closed her eyes, relishing in the darkness enveloping her vision instead of the images from before. Keep breathing. 

After a few moments, she opened her eyes, her sight flickering to the reflection of the closed door behind her. It was stupid, she can leave anytime she wants, but still, in her subdued state, El listened to the anxieties long drilled into her core and turned around and opened the door just a crack, slowly so as to not allow the others to hear. If they walked around the hall and saw the open door, they wouldn’t approach. 

El was surprised by her own certainty that they would respect her privacy in her moment of weakness. Trust and respect, those were two words that still barely fell outside her understanding.

She returned to her reflection standing above the sink, still not yet ready to leave her newfound sanctuary. She frowned at the door, feeling a wave of shame wash over her. It felt too much like letting Papa win from his place in death, like she still clung to the grip of terror and manipulation he had on her, letting invisible scars fuel her every decision just like her sister does. El swallowed, she won’t close the door, it was her choice to make, she didn’t care that Papa was involved in that choice, caring would be losing.

Refocusing on the patches of faint red that laid beneath her skin, she gingerly turned the faucet on, splashing cool, almost too cold water over her face. She continued, the shock of the chilly water on flushed skin feeling like clarity. 

Movement caught her eye, El was quick to dismiss it, knowing herself to be jumpy when she’s like this, accept when she looked up, she saw the door swinging open a few inches, the sounds of hinges squeaking masked by the water. 

Suddenly alert, El spun around. The door swung open, her eyes looked down to see a small cream and black animal appear through the crack, front paws lifted up to push open the the door.

Dumbfounded, El watched the cat take a few tentative steps into the bathroom, pale blue eyes glued to her once again. El didn’t dare to move a muscle when the cat seemed to examine her, remaining a few feet away from her, black tail slowly swaying up and down. 

El didn’t know how she got the idea, whether it be instinct or a sense no one but her has, but she attempted to stretch her mind out to the cat the same way she would when grasping an object, except she didn’t dare move a single hair on the the animal’s body. She didn’t know what she was doing, but she tried to channel her emotions, just as she had done with her anger before. Not calm, tired, but curious, she wanted to conjure up happy, peaceful thoughts, but that was all she could muster. To her shock, the cat perked up, it’s tail going still. 

Whatever hold she managed to create dispersed, but the message was still there, right? Swallowing another lump she didn’t realized she had, El began to crouch down as slowly as possible, the cat watched her, but didn’t run this time. 

Hoping she wasn’t pushing her luck, she reached out her hand, holding it still in the air. The cat considered her for a moment, taking a single step forward, the fear of something unknown to it keeping the animal at bay.

El kept her hand up, deciding patience would be her friend. Her breath caught in her chest when the cat took a few more steps toward, and one final moment of deliberation, sniffed her hand, letting its nose touch her skin. El felt like leaping for joy at that, feeling some of the tension wound up in her loosen with the fluttering of her heart that was gentle compared to the slamming from behind her ribs from earlier.

Feeling more at ease, the cat lightly touched its forehead to her hand, silently inviting her to pet it just as Max had done earlier. El nervously ran her fingers along it’s back, encouraged when the cat lifted it back up to meet her hand, greeting her with a soft purr. El was astonished by her soft it’s fur was, having forgotten the feeling from her days surviving off of whatever she could find. 

El scratched the cat’s cheek, her mouth tugging to a small smile when it leaned it’s head against her hand, eye closing while the purring grew louder. 

She sighed, she’ll have to return to the others soon, or cause Mike even more worry. The party will pretend it didn’t happen, fighting the awkward silence with playful banter and jokes until their friend can feel somewhat normal again and maybe laugh with them. They’ll forgo their usual teasing when Mike stands close to hold onto her hand. At another time, El will work up the courage to tell the full story to Will.

El looked up, taking a deep breath. The lab and it’s horrors will always be a part of her, she knew that, and it will always break her down in her in her most vulnerable of moments, but at least in moments like these, she can win instead of Papa.

**Author's Note:**

> I think it would be kinda cliche if El were up be able to talk to animals, but if her mother was able to share her memories in the void, the maybe El can project at least her emotions to animals since they tend to always be the ones in fiction who can sense just about anything. Just a thought


End file.
